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It’s been 13 long heart burning months and my divorce is finally final. As I sat here in my one bedroom apartment,brokenhearted stirring out the window, it’s raining. The sound is so peaceful and I remember how we use to enjoy that sound together. Now it’s just me, myself, and I. What happened, I ask myself, what did I do so wrong. I only tried to be a good wife. I took care of his every need, at least, I thought I did. As I look back over the past, I can see clearly now and I clearly didn’t see it coming. He stopped kissing me good-by when he went to work. I didn’t think much about it because I just thought he was in a hurry and didn’t want to be late. He stopped telling me he loved me and he use to tell me this every night before we went to sleep. I just thought he was tired and drifted off to sleep. We use to eat dinner together every day but I noticed about a year ago, he started to working late. Again, I didn’t think anything about it, I just thought his job had become more demanding so I never questioned it. It shocked me when he came home one day and told me it was over. I clearly didn’t see that coming. I thought he was joking at first but then there she was, standing behind him as he delivered the news to me. A woman, half my age, so young and full of life. I tried to hold my composure as I could feel my knees starting to weaken. I can still hear her voice as she spoke, can we go daddy, I’m starved. For a moment I thought, is this his daughter but then I realized, this is the women who has changed my life forever. All I could say was go, just go. I held back the tears as the man I had given 40 years of my life to, walked out the door. I was determined that I would not let him see me cry. The whole 40 years of marriage flashed before my eyes. I’m the one who cleaned up after him day after day and ladies you know men, they can be so messy. I washed his dirty draws, picked his clothes up off the floor where he managed to leave them night after night when he got home from work. I cooked for him everyday whether I felt like it or not, I did it because I loved him and I believed that he loved me. So many things I did without so that I could fulfill his needs. I admit, I let myself go because there were times when we just couldn’t afford it but I never complained. I thought in my mind, we have each other and we may not have much money but we can get through anything. I made it work. Silly me, how foolish I was getting up at 3:00 am to prepare his lunch knowing that in a few hours, I myself had a job to fulfill. It was hard taking care of him and working full time too but when you love each other, nothing is impossible. You just do it. When he left, I cried so many nights and it felt like the whole world had caved in on me. I looked at myself in the mirror and I just wanted to die. There were dark circles under my eyes, where did they come from. I looked so frail and my breast that he used to love to touch so much just sagged. I looked awful and I thought, I don’t blame him for leaving me. I wanted to die.
A year has passed now, and you know what, God is Good!! I’m starting to bounce back slowly. I went to my hairdresser for the first time in over year and I finally got my nails done. I’m going to get my groove back and I will live again. Life is not over for me. I feel like this is a new beginning. I guess I just want you ladies out there to get the message and pay more attention to whats going on in your home. There always will be tell -tell signs, you just have to look. Me, I’ll be ok. I’m starting my life over at 65 and I feel good.
A closing tid-bit. I stopped in the corner market yesterday and I overheard some juicy gossip. Apparently, my ex’s new bride decided she didn’t want the responsibilities that came with the marriage. Especially the part about through sickness and health. My ex had a heart attack which led to a stroke and had to be rushed to the hospital and get this, she, the new bride dropped him off at the front door and left. The hospital administration called me because apparently, there was something wrong with his insurance and they wanted my signature to ensure payment. I politely said, I’m so sorry but I’m not his wife, you need to get in touch with her. When we were together, he didn’t want me to handle any of the bills but when he married her, the new wife, she had carte blank. It appears she forgot to pay the premium on his insurance and wasted away his life savings and he didn’t even know. Isn’t it funny? Wow!! I guess he didn’t see that coming.
Please comment and let me know what you think. I’d like to start a circle of friends who were forced to start over again.
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